Updated: Mar 21, 2020
“With the milk comes the tears,” a wise new mom reminded me, as I confessed my bathtub crying session.
I drew the hot water and poured in the Epsom salts. When my aching body submerged in a moment of self-care, there was an emotional release I didn’t realize needed to come. It was grief. It was sadness. It was exhaustion and pain. But when I looked up at Theodore in his bassinet beside my tub, it was joy. It was gratitude. It was happiness. It was all of life wrapped up in one moment, and if you are mindfully present while riding a wave that big, the tears serve as a reminder that you are fully alive.
These emotional extremes are part of the postpartum process, and my first time through it, the intensity scared me. I assumed the pronounced negativity while life was so blissfully good meant something was wrong with me. The guilt set in heavy enough to trigger an anxiety I couldn’t escape. I needed support to crawl out of the postpartum darkness that marked my entrance to motherhood.
From that experience, I learned to feel ALL the feels, especially in motherhood where a dichotomy of extremes wrapped up in moments define your new normal. My 5th time through the postpartum hump, perspective reminds me that I’m right where I need to be in the joy and the tears. I embrace my messy knowing in time I’ll bloom again, brighter than before 🌈.
I share for the mama out there who might be scared of her tears; the mom cradling her joy in the fog while fearing it won’t ever lift. You will find yourself again, I promise. Until then, know that you are not alone. I am riding these waves of maternal love alongside you, where we are united by a power so big, so transformative that we will never be the same — but we will have grown ✨.
Be gentle with yourself......