Motherhood knocked the wind out of my perfection sails...
Back in 2009, I held my firstborn, overwhelmed by the enormity of it all. My heart cracked open with a love so deep it scared me. Desperate to get it all right, I was uncertain how my messiness fit in with being strong enough and good enough to be her mom.
Over a decade and 4 more kids later, I’m still waiting for a clear measure of success and it’s eternally messy. I’ve learned the million ways I fail are opportunities for growth and I've become a resilient mom through years of nurturing — I'm not perfect, but strong enough to keep showing up with love. In the book I’ve written about my days in the trenches as mom, brave is beautiful and every scar I carry is a mark of wisdom earned on a journey WHOLE.
See, I’ve long known it was my calling to be an author and assumed I would write a tale of glamour from my performing days that began as Miss New Jersey and led me to Radio City Music Hall, where I was an eye-high kicking Rockette. Then I thought I would write about a successful application of positive psychology to my role as mom. But the truth I share is of a choice I made to step out of the spotlight when I “left it all behind” for the sake of happiness. Then motherhood came along and knocked the wind out of my perfection sails, so the memoir I began during my postpartum struggle is of transformation and hope. The words I’ve strung together comprise a story I didn’t dream of writing, but the narrative I consciously chose carried me out of the darkness where word by word, day by day, I manifested the healing journey I offer you.
Vulnerability is the birthplace of growth.
Adversity is not what I expected to define my plot, but it’s good I didn’t know what was coming. I would have run from a scene in the burn unit where a doctor warned me my child might not make it. I would have said I didn’t want to live out the chapters of babies I held in my womb and lost, most especially the boy I held in the palm of my hand. Time and time again, I took that first step forward to discover that brave isn’t something we ever feel in the fire. Also, courage might be what we gather in hindsight through a compassionate lens. While vulnerability was my birthplace of growth and authenticity my vehicle for healing, I’ve learned to actively allow the experience of joy with as much fervor as I’ve fought the depths of despair.
So as I share the wisdom I’ve gained through motherhood, I hold my old self and every new mama with compassion for we all stumble at some point over something. May it bring you comfort and ease to know the defining moments of my story aren’t the bright shiny ones I expected. Instead, they are the moments I rose from the fall and showed up with love despite my fear or found gratitude in hardship.
Ultimately, a deep sense of spirituality is everything I didn’t know I needed, but found by writing a brave new ending to a plot I couldn’t change: this is WHOLE in Motherhood, Science-based Spirituality for Moms.
Redefine the motherhood experience from self-sacrifice to self-discovery
and manifest your best life.
Striving to be Well-nourished, Hopeful, Open, Loving and Engaged has brought joy and magic to my life, and my calling is to share it with moms seeking ease and comfort. WHOLE as an acronym is the shell of my theory on how positive psychology can support moms, a bridge from self-sacrifice to self-discovery. It is my story of spiritual enlightenment through motherhood, the one we all can write with mindset, clear pathways to hope, and intuition.
These days I worry less and snuggle more, for this too shall pass means all of it:
…the sleepless nights and the stolen kisses…..
It is an honor to walk this journey with you. ~Alicia xo