Four years ago my life changed in an instant.
March 27, 2013 is the night I ended up in an ICU Burn Unit with my toddler son and since then, I have noticed a ripple effect of change in my life.
For a long time, I thought that pot of boiling water crashing down is what initiated this shift. Technically, it did....but now, I SEE it all differently.
The night doctors warned me William might not make it, I was 36 weeks pregnant. Panic continued to pull at me and I almost tumbled down the rabbit hole of despair. But I DID NOT want to go into labor in with a baby who needed surgery at birth, so I sent an email to my girlfriends asking for the help I knew I needed. After realizing I wouldn't have to face the situation alone, I was calmer. I climbed into bed with my boy and snuggled him until the sun came up because at the very least, I had LOVE.
From this vulnerable moment in the hardest experience of my life, my writing emerged in the world.
That email and the updates I sent in the days that followed eventually became a blog to keep friends and family updated on the wellbeing of my boys. In the aftermath of our month-long crisis involving the collision of health of my boys, I created the website BeautifulCrisis.com to share my thoughts on how we can overcome adversity with resilience.
I have continued to write and now that my life has gone back to "normal," I have been contemplating how we can maintain wellbeing not only through adversity but in the ordinary chaos of motherhood.
This transition made it clear I would need to create a new site where both themes fit. I've been procrastinating on this goal for a while now, but when I realized the anniversary of "the accident" was rapidly approaching (anniversaries are good at dragging up old dormant emotions) I realized I just HAD to launch my new site TONIGHT.
See, I spent a lot of time in grief and guilt wishing I could erase the pain my son endured and restore him to the boy he was before his injury.
However, in a healthier place that is ACCEPTANCE, I have learned to acknowledge what is sad, hard, frustrating and scary....and then CHOOSE what is joyful, beautiful and hopeful.
Yes, there are ALWAYS blessings, we just need to look a little harder to find them sometimes (most especially when we don't think they are there).
My son is a survivor and inspires me every day to make something beautiful of what we endured. So I snuggle him (6 is not too old for that yet) and I tell him how much I love him CONSTANTLY. I believe I am the luckiest mom in the world because he's mine...he's STILL here to snuggle and love....
Then I write.
I'm celebrating four years of survival with the launch of my new website AliciaAssad.com. It's filled with the story you are already familiar with, along with new dreams and the hope that I can continue to write my way back to WHOLE, regardless of what tomorrow brings.
For now, life's pretty darn good...I've attached a photo to this post, which might suggest my biggest concern about William these days is that he REFUSES to get a haircut!
Here's to the invaluable lesson I learned in an ICU Burn Unit:
At the very least, we always have LOVE...and sometimes showing up with a snuggle of love is ENOUGH for us and our kids in any situation.